he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
