Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
