I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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