i jhust puked up my retainher.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
