dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
