remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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