It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
