I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
