Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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