Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
