I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
