your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
