I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
