Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
