sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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