i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
