And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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