That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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