There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A bitchslap is in order.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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