So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
