i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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