I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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