my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
