gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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