I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
