I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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