Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
