I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
