Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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