so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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