We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
