the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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