she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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