Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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