We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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