I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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