I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
