My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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