She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
