i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
