jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
