Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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