he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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