I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
