Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
