btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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