Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
