u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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