Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
