So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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