I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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