Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
