I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
accomplished twins. life is a go
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
