What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize