..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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