I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
