just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
