so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize