gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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