i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
