Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize