you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize