searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
