so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
