In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
