the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
