like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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