Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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