The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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