like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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