If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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