he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Why can't burritos get me drunk
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
