if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
