I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
