It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
