It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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