Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
